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Now with 40% more saturated fat!
Today's BS Bingo paradigm shift (hit refresh for more wisdom):
High Marks from Our Internet Visitors
Amalgamated Smike is now the 3rd most popular Internet destination in the greater Eudapimp metro area, just behind Bud's Boat Rentals and the Potato Museum Picture Archives.
Another Banner Year
It's been another outstanding year here at Amalgamated Smike. Our Webmaster informs us that 37 people visited the site last year, a 13.5% increase over the previous year's record number. Way to go team!
Appeal Filed in Contaminated Food Case
An appeal has been filed in a high-visibilty contaminated food suit after the case was summarily dismissed by an Albuquerque Small Claims Court. Howie Gypsum, lead council for the Albuquerque office of ShysterMeister Drive-Thru Litigations, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Amalgamated Smike, filed the appeal on behalf of Billy Ray Joe Bob Vanderbilt III who cut the roof of his mouth on a transmission that was partially hidden in a container of bean salad he purchased from a local House of Gruel fast food outlet. More news on this case will be posted as it becomes available.
Branch Office Expansion
We're proud to announce that our two new satellite offices are now 100% operational!
The Corporate Ostentation Department has moved to the 3rd floor of our Costa Lotta, California offices, Suite 382-1/16 B. Please note that inter-office mail packages larger than 24" on one side should be sent to the post office mail drop listed in the corporate directory to avoid overcrowding the staff.
The Industrial Dust Division has moved to a new 10 acre facility at DiPindaharta, TX. We understand from office personnel that the night skies reveal many large and intense stars, a sight worthy of song.
The Movie Rights to This Website Are Now Available
Options on the 13-week television pilot based on the smike.com domain were not exercized this past fall, which is exciting news for the motion picture industry! Interested parties may contact our Corporate Ostentation Department in Costa Lotta, CA. Please see our ad in Variety.
A Word From Building Management
Who is this Basura person and why does he/she continue to leave unsightly items in the hallways? This is not acceptable, particularly when we are escorting clients through our office! Please cease at once, Mr. or Ms. Basura. We have instructed the maintenance crew to discard such items in the future, which they will undoubtedly do as they found the notion rather amusing. You have been warned.
China: Smike's Nomination for Presidential Cabinet
Our founder, Smike, has been nominated to refinish the hinges on Mo's antique mahogany china cabinet. Mo, the acting President of the Greater Eudapimp Trout Conservation League, was quoted as saying that Smike's qualifications were impeccable and that the nomination would be put to a vote some time after the Caddis Hatch.
Corporate Accounting and Finance on Vacation
The Corporate Accounting and Finance departments will be taking a much-needed break begining this month. During their hiatus, you may call the main switchboard for any issues relating to billing or accounts payable. Accounting and Finance personnel should be back in the office in eighteen months to five years.
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