Amalgamated Smike
Amalgamated Smike Corporation of Eudapimp, ID
Corporate Profile

Amalgamated Smike's online revenue share continues to expand annually through leveraged buyouts, acquisitions and extortion. Established as a major presence on the web in 1995, Amalgamated Smike has, to date, served over forty-three thousand kilobytes of information to eager Internet "surfers".

Additionally, our product line and associated earnings continue to grow. With the purchase last year of North American Toxins, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Amalgamated Smike, we successfully launched our Nature's Own® styrofoam dinnerware line. Sales exceeded all expectations with adjusted net revenues of over $37.00.

But the jewel in the crown has to be this years buyout of two established household brands: Petroleum HazMat Disposal of Elko, Nevada and Minnesota Slag. The newly-formed division, Consolodated Sludge, is expected to boost earnings dramatically with its 'best-of-breed' product line. Sales of I Can't Believe It's Flammable® laundry detergent alone are anticipated to be in double-digits by year's end.

All in all, it's been a busy year here at Amalgamated Smike. And we might just have a few surprises for you next year, pending outstanding litigation.