In a previous life I was in hardware tech support. Customers with non-critical issues or lower contract service levels were routed to an outsourced call center, where tickets were opened and placed in a callback queue. When we picked up the tickets to call the customer back, we had to rely on a one-line summary to determine what the issue was and begin troubleshooting. My employer certainy got the outsourcing they paid for.

Some of the summaries were priceless. So I wrote a small shell script where the hardware engineers could paste some of the better examples.

The following is an abridged list of some of my favorites. The summaries in bold are displayed exactly as entered with comments in parentheses. Some are here because they are just funny. Most are just confusing. Remember, the summary line is the only information we had available before calling the customer to diagnose an issue.

APE DRIVE ON SICI BUS (They're teaching gorillas to pilot public transports? Amazing!)
scussy not identified after patches installed
SET TARGET TO 4 BUT WITH PROBE SCUZZIE DOES NOT SHOW-UP (How many ways can we spell SCSI?)
SCSI PARATORY ERRORS
Parody Error (Someone is making fun of my error!)
DATA PARIDY ERROR (How many ways can we spell parity?)
PCI BUST ERROR (Hmm, this might call for an onsite visit.)
sci bust problem does not access hard drive in any slot
cannot start th vea gooie
unble to load vmsa googie
Customer: George Of Tech (You know, in Atlanta.)
Customer needs to upgrade glister batch
PCI GASKET MAY EXPERIENCE SHORTS
customer is defective, needs replacement (No kidding. That's what it said.)
RAMOND REBOOTS
POWER SUPPLY VERY BAD (Why replace it if it's only slightly bad?)
network back exchange server is finishing but the servere thinks its run
FAIN FAILED, VAR 80 M ERROR MESSAGES (Um, /var/adm/messages?)
BAD NECK/NEEDS REPLACED
DETECTING A HOTSWAB CONDITION ON PCI CARD
system wont boot/ cant read sunblock (It's probably using the default SPF 15 sunblock.)
TRYING TO GET SCREEN TO CAN NOT SET UP SYSTEM CORRECILY, KEYBOARD PROBLEMS
BAD RISK CARD
QUESTION ABOUT NEW PATCH INFERSTRUCTOR PLAN
USS DUMP CMD IS RUNNING VERY SLOW(usesOCUF) (Anchors away!)
contact - Skunkboy, Stinky (It turned out that the customer entered this as his name online.)
2 IO boards are warm (Happiness is a warm I/O board.)
BOX MADE LOUD BANG AND SPARK, THINKS POWER SUPPLY, WRENCH LIGHTS FLASHING
KEYBOARD PROBLEMS..ERROR MESSAGES (Actual issue was ECC errors.)
PASSWORDS STRENGETH ON SERVERS
REPLCINING DISK DRIVE ONE AND A1000
they aren't interfacing with each other
net mass is not booting
tried to set con job, goes to sleep status (Con jobs are referred to the security admins.)
struck by lightning..ROOT PASSWORD DOESN'T WORK (It's a mystery.)
Getting smoke from machine, system still works
the genet are not return the info
how to setup etahernet to a complex
server believed to have died of overheating
UPS WENT DOWN
connected memory errors (Don't worry until you get unconnected memory errors.)
TAPE STUCK IN THE HARD DRIVE (Which begs the question, why is there a tape in the hard drive?)
the crown deamon is running properly (OK, thanks for calling!)
CAN'T ACCESS URLS AFTER FIREWALL INSTALL
DEPT OF ENERGY - no power to unit
cooling system is not working -NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE
having dns package drops by fireawall
system shut down after power outage
UPGRADE 1.3 TO 2.0 SCREENSAVER USER HOSTILE
issue with veritas encapsalating the route disk (...on root 66...)
cu is having issue with erro not anufe disk space
if a new feature exsit sol 8 , does not know the feature
bad sereal port
after booting it has a swope filed
CASH BATTER BAD
server will crash/bad format fire on access
System is not normal
SYSTEM IS BOOTING UP (OK, thanks for calling!)
FAILD TO OFF PCP-IP PORT (Take the CAT-5 out of your nose!)
sloawiness of running is command etv
UNHANDLY CENTS KEY/DISK D0
cu wants external dick to be replace -Replace disk -Cox Communications
DICK ERROR PHYSICALLY DEAD
FOG LIGHT ON NETRA 1405 (Can I get HID headlamps, too?)
system won't boon ecc error
QUESTIONS ON LUNG SIZE
disk drives/arrays SUCK.
TRANSFERING LODGE FILES OVER NFSD HANG SYSTEM
NEEDS ASS. CONG. ETHERNET QUAD, NETWORKING
ABORTION COMMAND/SUPPORT FILE
COMPLETE VEGETABLE
orical reporting a split brain system
SERIAL SPLIT BRAIN AFTER DISK FAILURE AND REPLACEMENT (Cluster, I know. Split brains just look funny in a hardware ticket.)
add leadind to replace and 1 and 2 in h/w plarform
cdrom is functioning properly (OK, thanks for calling!)
memory board9 is very hot! (Oh, aye, it's dead sexy!)